*Written by Guest Blogger Francesca Emma, LMHC*

“Wait, the baby is out- Why do I still look pregnant?”

“It’s been 4 weeks, my whole body is swollen!”

“Everyone says by 8 weeks, your jeans should fit-what’s wrong with me?”

“My best friend looks like she never even had a baby!”

“It has been a year and I know I should stop thinking about this, but where is my body?”

Are you finding yourself obsessing over these types of thoughts— and simultaneously feeling guilty?

This is so much more common than you think.

Remember back in 2013 how Princess Kate Middleton’s post-baby hospital appearance caught waves in the media industry (go ahead, google before reading)? It seemed like people were finally catching on to the idea that the postpartum body included what seemed like a fully pregnant belly AFTER birth- even for a princess? As a new mom, and a therapist whose work focuses on body image and eating, I was thrilled to see the image and positive feedback.

Fast forward to today, and unfortunately it seems that we have gone backward.

More so today than ever, there is a standard of getting that “pre-baby body” back in unrealistic timelines.

Women are bombarded with impractical images and tips on social media platforms, along with being given quick “fixes” from uneducated providers.
Millions of women struggle with feelings of postpartum depression, coupled with false ideas of what the postpartum body should look like.
Despite what the sources may be telling you, cutting calories, working out when your body isn’t ready, extreme fasting or taking quick-fix medications like Ozempic will not be the way that your body (or brain) recovers.

These approaches tend to do more harm than good on your body and mind.

Because these habits are not sustainable, they often elongate the weight loss process; introducing a woman into a frustrating cycle of loss and gain. They also can increase long-term physical and mental health issues.

Keep in mind that you are not alone on this journey.

Most women feel uncomfortable those first few months while adjusting to a new role in life. One of the biggest challenges of new motherhood is loneliness. While many people will bring gifts and provide snuggles for your new precious baby, my practice is inundated with women who feel personally neglected and alone in their journey and thoughts about a multitude of things- their body usually being one of them.

So what do you do when you can barely recognize the person standing in the mirror? Be kind and gentle to that version of you.

Childbearing and birth requires a fourth trimester of recovery for both you and your new baby. Education in this area is something that is often overlooked but critical for your physical and mental health.

Some quick facts that most providers don’t share:

Your uterus can take up to 8 weeks to fully retract back to its normal size and some women whose hips have widened actually never return back!
Changes in hormones can not only affect your mood but also your body.
Your body will likely retain water after birth and it is storing fat to provide milk.
The increase in stress of having a new baby and lack of sleep also affect your body.

These are all natural processes.

What can you do to foster recovery?

Rest and recover: Your body just went through a major event!

Set realistic expectations: This will take time.
Hydrate: Drink lots of water to rehydrate yourself. If you’re nursing, you may need up to 16 cups of water per day.
Incorporate a healthy diet: Those who breastfeed actually need to increase their calorie intake! Prioritize nutrient dense food, rather than worrying about calories or fat. If you find yourself struggling here, enlist informed providers like registered dieticians who can help you.
Seek support: Talk with other mothers who are likely experiencing the same thing. If that feels uncomfortable, join a new mom support group or find a trauma- informed mental health clinician.
Be mindful of social media: Remember to change/silence following those on your social media platforms that encourage negative behaviors or who just make you feel less then (mentally and physically !)
Find trauma-informed providers: Be sure to find providers who will support this journey rather than try to dismiss your concerns or provide you with these quick fixes and tips.
Start slow: While most providers clear women to exercise after the six to eight week mark, going from 0 to 100 can be too much at one time. Start small with pelvic floor exercises and low impact exercises and work up to your normal level of activity over time.
Shift your focus: Try to focus on the things that bring you joy outside of your appearance and limit the time you allow yourself to look in the mirror if it is triggering to you.
Stop comparing: Just like everyone’s pregnancy is different and everyone's child is different, everyone's postpartum body and timeline looks different as well

Throughout your recovery, it is helpful to find providers who will support this journey rather than try to dismiss your concerns or provide quick fixes and tips. One of the main concerns I hear from new moms is feeling alone and not supported. Finding perinatal providers who are educated and support the process can help make recovery much easier. When it comes to body image, mental health therapists and nutritionists can be great resources in assisting you through the process, validating your feelings and sharing ways to cope with the negative thoughts and feelings.

Remember, that woman you’re looking at in the mirror may never look exactly the same, but that is mostly because she has become a mother!

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Guest Author: Francesca Emma, LMHC

Francesca is a licensed mental health counselor who has been specializing in eating disorders, body image & women’s health over the last 15 years. She has a passion for helping women best navigate their pre and post pregnancy selves using a trauma inclusive lens.

About the Trauma-Informed Maternal Health Network

Liz Gray, LCSW and Olivia Verhulst, LMHC, PMH-C are the co-founders of the Trauma-Informed Maternal Health Directory. They are clinical psychotherapists with a deep passion for increasing accessibility of trauma-informed care to the maternal health population. They created this specialized directory to connect women experiencing infertility, pregnancy, postpartum, and new parenthood to trauma-informed health and mental health providers.

Interested in writing a guest blog post?

If you are a trauma-informed provider who works with the perinatal population, submit a blog proposal HERE!
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